Springthing
02-18-2009, 05:45 PM
Received in a FW: email from my wife. Hopefully they'll help you crack as smile.
One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery
plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't
used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
************************************************** **********
My wife walked into the den & asked "What's on the TV?" I
replied "Dust".
And that's how the fight started.....
************************************************** **********
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is
not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And that's how the fight started.....
************************************************** **********
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in
about 3 seconds. ' I bought her a scale.
And that's how the fight started.....
************************************************** **********
I asked my wife, 'Wher e do you want to go for our anniversary?'
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.
So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'
And that's when the fight started....
************************************************** **********
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while
we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'
So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'
And that's when the fight started....
************************************************** **********
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her
someplace expensive. So, I took her to a gas station.
And that's when the fight started.....
************************************************** **********
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for
$14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her
the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And that's when the fight started.....
************************************************** **********
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion,
and I kept staring at a drunk en lady swigging her drink as she sat
alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took
to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I
hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife. 'Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'
And that's when the fight started.....
************************************************** ************
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the
road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little
things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it. He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM
NOT HAPPY!!!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are
you?'
And that's when the fight started.....
************************************************** **********
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason,
took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'
And that's when the fight started
One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery
plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't
used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
************************************************** **********
My wife walked into the den & asked "What's on the TV?" I
replied "Dust".
And that's how the fight started.....
************************************************** **********
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is
not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And that's how the fight started.....
************************************************** **********
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in
about 3 seconds. ' I bought her a scale.
And that's how the fight started.....
************************************************** **********
I asked my wife, 'Wher e do you want to go for our anniversary?'
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.
So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'
And that's when the fight started....
************************************************** **********
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while
we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'
So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'
And that's when the fight started....
************************************************** **********
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her
someplace expensive. So, I took her to a gas station.
And that's when the fight started.....
************************************************** **********
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for
$14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her
the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And that's when the fight started.....
************************************************** **********
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion,
and I kept staring at a drunk en lady swigging her drink as she sat
alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took
to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I
hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife. 'Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'
And that's when the fight started.....
************************************************** ************
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the
road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little
things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it. He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM
NOT HAPPY!!!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are
you?'
And that's when the fight started.....
************************************************** **********
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason,
took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'
And that's when the fight started