Jokes

**Heineken** · 01-08-2009, 12:11 AM

Is there an area on this site for jokes? Clean ones of course. Ha. Ha.

**Springthing** · 01-08-2009, 01:19 AM

There has been a few in this forum. I say have at it!

Btw...did you hear about the two goldfish in a tank? One turns to the other and says "Hey, do you even know how to drive this thing?"

Just picked this one up:

When I went to get my driver's license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed.
The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license
He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, "I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture."
The clerk looked at his picture closely. "It's okay," he reassured the man: "That's how you're going to look when the cops pull you over anyway."

**Doberman** · 01-08-2009, 09:43 AM

Originally Posted by Springthing

There has been a few in this forum. I say have at it!

Btw...did you hear about the two goldfish in a tank? One turns to the other and says "Hey, do you even know how to drive this thing?"

Just picked this one up:

When I went to get my driver's license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed.
The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license
He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, "I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture."
The clerk looked at his picture closely. "It's okay," he reassured the man: "That's how you're going to look when the cops pull you over anyway."

GOOD ONE!! I could actually see that happening

**garagegoon** · 01-08-2009, 10:37 AM

Henry Ford dies and goes to Heaven.
At the gate, St Peter tells Henry Ford: "Well, you've been such a good guy, invented the car, changed the world. As a reward you can hang out with anybody in Heaven of your choice."
So Henry Ford thinks about it and says: "I would like to hang out with God himself?"
So St Peter takes him directly to God's thrown and Henry Ford starts by saying: "God, I don't want to sound biased, but you have some major design flaws in Your invention, the Woman.
1. There's too much front end protrusion
2. It chatters at high speeds
3. The rear end wobbles too much
4. The intake is too close to the exhaust."
"MMMMM" says God and goes over to the Celestial Super Computer, types in a few key strokes, and waits for the results.
He then turns to Henry Ford and says; "It may be that My invention is flawed, but according to the stellar computer more men are riding My invention then your's".

**garagegoon** · 01-08-2009, 10:40 AM

A Texan man was talking big in a bar one night about how much money he had, how many women he had been with, and how much land he owned.
A young man growing tired of all the big talk finally asked the Texan; "Just how much land do you own?"
The Texan tipped back he's Cowboy hat and said to the young man: "Well sunny let me put it to you like this, I can get into my pickup at sunrise, drive all day long, skip lunch, and still not get to the other side of my property by sunset."
The young man shot back quickly: "Oh ye, I know what you mean. I used to own a FORD truck too!"

**Crawdaddy** · 01-08-2009, 11:31 AM

Originally Posted by garagegoon

Henry Ford dies and goes to Heaven.

That's a good one, I like it!

**Steve** · 01-08-2009, 11:44 AM

We used to have a spot for humor, it got little traffic. Probably in the games and contests area we could rename it and use it for off-topic stuff like games, humor, contests, etc.

**garagegoon** · 01-08-2009, 12:12 PM

A motorist runs a red light and is photographed by an automated police camera. In the mail a short time later, he receives a photo of his car committing the infraction and a citation for $60. Instead of paying the fine, the motorist mails the police department a photograph of three 20-dollar bills. Several days later, he gets a letter back from the police department. Inside is a photograph of a pair of handcuffs.

**04sierracrewcab** · 01-08-2009, 09:21 PM

Originally Posted by garagegoon

A Texan man was talking big in a bar one night about how much money he had, how many women he had been with, and how much land he owned.
A young man growing tired of all the big talk finally asked the Texan; "Just how much land do you own?"
The Texan tipped back he's Cowboy hat and said to the young man: "Well sunny let me put it to you like this, I can get into my pickup at sunrise, drive all day long, skip lunch, and still not get to the other side of my property by sunset."
The young man shot back quickly: "Oh ye, I know what you mean. I used to own a FORD truck too!"

hahah that is a good one!

And no need to stop!!