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Thread: Jokes

  1. #21
    Legend cascott325's Avatar
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    joke courtesy of bob and tom...

    Four women were playing golf.
    The first teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward
    a foursome of men.
    One of the men immediately grabbed his crotch and fell to the ground in agony.
    The woman rushed over to the man and began to apologize.
    "Please allow me to help," she begged.
    "I'm a professional physiotherapist, and I can quickly relieve your pain."

    "No, I'll be okay, just give me a minute,"
    he said, as he rolled on the ground in the fetal position,
    still clasping his hands over his crotch.

    The woman persisted and insisted she could help, so the man finally agreed.
    She gently took his hands away from his crotch.
    Then, she loosened his pants and began to gently massage his privates.

    "Does that feel better?" she asked.
    "It feels great," he said, "but i still think my thumb is broke."
    2000 silverado with a 5.3l v8, shorty headers, upgraded plugs, 10 mil wires, magnaflow high flow cats, flowmaster 80 series muffler(2 in 2 out) w/ 18 inch stainless silverline tips. i have a k&n CIA. its a 4x4 z71 offroad package. Ls model.
    extended cab 160k miles, truxedo low profile bed cover, diablo sport predator tuner.
    reman tranny @ 130k miles
    Chris

  2. #22
    Sr. Apprentice Heineken's Avatar
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    A little boy was in the living room playing with his toy train. While his mother was in the kitchen, she could hear her son say " all you Mother #%$@& that are getting off, get the $%^# off, all you Mother #%$@& that are staying, sit you A$$es down and stay out of the way." Needless to say his mother was shocked. She marched right into the living room, snached her son up, and told him to go to his room for three hours. During that time, he was to think about what he did wrong and was not to come out untill he learned to play nicer. After the three hours, the boy returns to the living room and resumes paying with his train. Then his mother hears him say" Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you for traveling with Jimmy's Train Service. We would like to remind our departing passengers to remember to check their baggage very carefully as it may have shifted during the trip." His mother began to smile as she hears her son continue; "and for all of our arriving passengers that are upset anbout the three hour delay, see the bitch in the kitchen!"
    Heineken

    2008 Tahoe LTZ White Diamond (Loaded)
    2003 2500HD Ext Cab DuraMAX
    2002 Civic (Momma's)
    1997 Jetta Trek
    1986 BMW 325 (e)

    At least the bottom three are paid for :lol:

  3. #23

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    the other day I felt really safe going out with my wife and mother-in-law for dinner. I was in the back anbd they were both up front.

    First time in 15 years my car has had duel airbags :-D

  4. #24

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    wait wait i got another one....

  5. #25

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    A white guy walks into the office... looks at his african american co-worker and says... Hey... TGIF...

    The co-worker looks back scratches his head and says.... S.h.i.t

    The white guy looks back scratches his head and smiles again and says... naaa man TGIF..

    The co-worker shakes his head and again says .. S.h.i.t

    They white guy says man you just don't get it... TGIF... thank god it's friday..

    The coworker says no man you don't get it.. S.h.i.t. stupid honky it's thursday...!!

    ROFLMAO....


    p.s. i'm a white guy by the way...and it's still funny

  6. #26
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    Post joke


    Two little boys go into the corner drugstore, proceed to the counter with a box of Tampons. Man behind counter asks the oldest "Son, why in the world are you buying these?" Older boy says "Well, sir, it says on the box that with these you can swim and ride a bicycle. My little brother can't do either one."

  7. #27

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    Ok! it's not a joke, but it is one heck of a funny video [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VfhdpDVc7-A&feature=related"]YouTube - Men Multitasking[/ame] I think Monty Python or Benny Hill did something similar
    "ROCK YOUR RIDE"

  8. #28

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    Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits.

    After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.

    "Who is it?" calls one of the nuns.

    "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.


    The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.
    "Nice gazongas," says the man, "where do you want these blinds?"

  9. #29
    Legend

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    Ole and Sven were fishing on the Minnesota opener when Sven pulled out a cigar. Finding he had no matches, he asked Ole for a light.
    'Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter,' he replied, and then reaching into

    his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.
    'Yiminy Cricket!' exclaimed Sven, taking the huge Bic Lighter in his
    hands. 'Vere dit yew git dat monster??'
    'Vell,' replied Ole, 'I got it from my Genie.'
    'You haff a Genie?' Sven asked.
    'Ya, shure. It's right here in my tackle box,' says Ole.
    'Could I see him?'
    Ole opens his tackle box & sure enough, out pops the Genie
    Addressing the genie, Sven says, 'Hey dere! I'm a good friend of your master.
    'Vill you grant me vun vish?'
    'Yes, I will,' says the Genie.
    So Sven asks the Genie for a million bucks.
    The Genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Sven sitting there waiting for his million bucks.

    Shortly, the sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million
    ducks....flying directly overhead.
    Over the roar of the million ducks Sven yells at Ole, 'Yumpin' Yimminy,
    I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!'
    Ole answers, 'Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat da Genie is hart of hearing.
    Do yew really tink I asked for a 10-inch Bic?"
    99 K1500 Suburban LT "THE BEAST"
    Hypertech III, K&N, true dual
    285/75/16
    ___________________________
    Jason

  10. #30
    Legend bry2500's Avatar
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    the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde
    bimbo sitting in first class, that belongs in economy, and won't move back to her seat.
    >
    the co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy
    she w ill have to leave and return to her seat.
    >
    the blonde replies, 'i'm blonde, i'm beautiful, i'm going to toronto and i'm staying right her e.'
    >
    the co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to reason.
    >
    >
    the pilot says, 'you say she is a blonde? I'll handle this, i'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde.'
    >
    he goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, 'oh, i'm sorry.' and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy..
    >
    the flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.
    >
    'i told her, 'first class isn't going to toronto!
    BRYAN

    "IF YOU DON'T TREAT IT LIKE A TRUCK IT'S JUST A REALLY BIG CAR"

    02' Avalanche 2500 Onyx Black
    8.1L Vortec
    43,000 miles

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