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  1. #1
    Legend

    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    East of Branson, Missouri
    Posts
    2,788
    Blog Entries
    14

    Default Will this make you smile?

    Received in a FW: email from my wife. Hopefully they'll help you crack as smile.



    One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery
    plot as a Christmas gift.

    The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.

    When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't
    used the gift I bought you last year!"

    And that's how the fight started.....

    ************************************************** **********

    My wife walked into the den & asked "What's on the TV?" I
    replied "Dust".

    And that's how the fight started.....

    ************************************************** **********

    A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is
    not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel
    horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
    compliment.'

    The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

    And that's how the fight started.....

    ************************************************** **********

    My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
    anniversary.

    She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in
    about 3 seconds. ' I bought her a scale.

    And that's how the fight started.....

    ************************************************** **********

    I asked my wife, 'Wher e do you want to go for our anniversary?'

    It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

    'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.

    So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'

    And that's when the fight started....

    ************************************************** **********

    My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while
    we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'

    'No,' she answered.

    I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

    She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'

    So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'

    And that's when the fight started....

    ************************************************** **********

    When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her
    someplace expensive. So, I took her to a gas station.

    And that's when the fight started.....

    ************************************************** **********

    I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for
    $14.95.

    Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her
    the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

    And that's when the fight started.....

    ************************************************** **********

    My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion,
    and I kept staring at a drunk en lady swigging her drink as she sat
    alone at a nearby table.

    My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

    'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took
    to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I
    hear she hasn't been sober since.'

    'My God!' says my wife. 'Who would think a person could go on
    celebrating that long?'

    And that's when the fight started.....

    ************************************************** ************

    I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the
    road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.

    You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little
    things just seem funny?

    Yeah, well I couldn't believe it. He was a DWARF!!!

    He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM
    NOT HAPPY!!!'

    So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are
    you?'

    And that's when the fight started.....

    ************************************************** **********

    I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason,
    took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'

    He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

    'Nah, she can order for herself.'

    And that's when the fight started
    Steven



    "The Sarge"
    1999 Chevy Suburban LT- K2500
    7.4 454 Vortec, 4WD
    305/70/16 on Eagle Alloy




  2. #2

  3. #3
    Legend cascott325's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Lawrenceburg, Kentucky
    Posts
    1,709

    Default

    funny ha ha
    2000 silverado with a 5.3l v8, shorty headers, upgraded plugs, 10 mil wires, magnaflow high flow cats, flowmaster 80 series muffler(2 in 2 out) w/ 18 inch stainless silverline tips. i have a k&n CIA. its a 4x4 z71 offroad package. Ls model.
    extended cab 160k miles, truxedo low profile bed cover, diablo sport predator tuner.
    reman tranny @ 130k miles
    Chris

  4. #4

    Default

    those are great!!
    Matt
    Hallsville, TX

    2005 Silverado 1500 LS Crew Cab 5.3L 2WD
    K&N FIPK II
    Magnaflow Exhaust
    Hypertech Max Energy Programmer
    Suspension Leveling Kit
    Putco Element Window Visors
    Carriage Works Billet Grille
    TruXedo TruXport Tonneau Cover


  5. #5

    Default

    nice! lol
    Ryan

    2002 Jeep Wrangler Sport 4x4 (the Yellow Jacket)
    4inch suspension 3inch body
    Straight 6 (383 Stroker within a year)
    36inch SuperSwamper TSL.
    105,000
    Detroit Loccers
    Daily Driver Weekend Wheeler
    much more...

    2004 Sierra crew cab, 2wd, 5.3 V8
    2inch Daystar Leveling kit
    single dumped Flowmaster 40 sieries exaust(removed)
    Mb Blitz Chrome wheels
    Leer Bed Cover(for sale)
    50k miles
    :glasses:




  6. #6
    Master Mechanic CarpenterGuy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Leeds, Alabama
    Posts
    994

    Default

    LOL i almost peed my pants
    2006 Silverado Z71 - 97,000 - totaled, RIP
    2006 Silverado Z71 - 122,000 (K&N 77 Series CAI, PowerAid TBS, Magnaflow dual rear exit, 33x12.50 Mickey Thompson MTZ, Tuff Country Torsion Keys, Tuff Country Add-A-Leafs)
    1966 C10 swb stepside (Gen I 350, Turbo 400 trans, dual cyl power brakes, front discs)
    I'll keep my money, guns, and freedom. You keep the Change.

  7. #7

    Default

    hahahaha thats awesome.
    Dan
    1999 GMC Sierra 2500 350 vortec
    1967 Jeep M725 ambulance 230 tornado
    1990 Cherokee Limited- 3 inch lift on 33's
    ...and every one of em has issues

    If you have any questions or problems don't hesitate to send me or any other GMTC moderators a PM

  8. #8
    Sr. Mechanic 06piney's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Lakehurst, New Jersey
    Posts
    170

    Default

    That was great, I still havent stopped laughing lol.

    06 Silverado 1500 W/T
    No mods as of yet
    Soon to come (When I get the money that is)

  9. #9

    Default

    PETE
    95 GMC Sierra 2500
    3" Body Lift, 33" Goodyear MTR's
    5.7L 350 TBI Edelbrock SDT Exhaust, Flowtech Headers, K&N Intake
    Sold :(
    1999 Jeep Cherokee, 3" Rustys lift, 33" BFG MT's, locked, armored: Rolled :(
    2000 Jeep Grand Cherokee Limited. K&N Intake, Custom Kolak Exhaust


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  10. #10
    Legend bry2500's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Gloucester, MA
    Posts
    2,201
    Blog Entries
    4

    Default

    Laughed for hours

    then showed this to the wife and that's when the fight started
    BRYAN

    "IF YOU DON'T TREAT IT LIKE A TRUCK IT'S JUST A REALLY BIG CAR"

    02' Avalanche 2500 Onyx Black
    8.1L Vortec
    43,000 miles

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