American by Birth...Montanan By Choice

**KD7ONE** · 03-31-2007, 01:14 PM

Montana Tourist Information Guidelines

Due to frequent misunderstandings when Easterners and Californians cross into our state, the Montana Tourism Council adopted a set of guidelines in an effort to help outsiders understand Montana.

The following list will be handed to each driver entering the state:

1. That rancher standing next to the barn did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a gravel road. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a 4-wheel drive because I need it. Now drive or get the hell out of the way.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

4. Any references to "corn-fed" when talking about our women will get your ass kicked---by our women.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Roves Fly Rod. Just don't cry to us if a massive trout breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little guppies you fish for---bait.

6. Pull your pants up--you look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a herd of elk is approaching during hunting season, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. That's right. Whiskey is only 5 bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.

9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.

11. So you have a $60,000 car you drive on weekends. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines we use two weeks a year.

12. Yeah, we eat Elk. Deer too. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

13. They are cattle. That's what they smell like. Get over it

14. Yes, every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?

Now enjoy your visit and go home!

**84fiero123** · 03-31-2007, 06:11 PM

I love it. Reminds me of here.

**Cableguy** · 03-31-2007, 06:18 PM

Thats just about the funnest thing I've heard...LMAO. We call a fifth a 26er up here, 40oz is a 40 pounder, 24 beer is a two four. I spent time on a Dairy farm as a kid, helped deliver a calf once and I can relate to the smell your talking about from the fields. I love watching city slickers squirm at the smell.

**KD7ONE** · 03-31-2007, 06:34 PM

The first time I got hit by that smell, I was on my front porch about 1/2 mile away from a feed lot. When the wind shifted I thought we were under chemical attack. I ran into the house, closed the door and all the windows.

The funny part about it is that I found out that the highschool football field is right nextdoor to the feed lot. I am wondering what their win/loss record for home games is.

**Steve** · 03-31-2007, 10:59 PM

Yeah, love that smell! I was born in Idaho and spend some quality time in Montana! Love that part of the country.

**retired2001** · 04-01-2007, 12:23 PM

I was raised on a farm on the Texas Panhandle and a big part of that list is a perfect fit!

**poncho08** · 12-29-2008, 03:08 AM

the smell of cattle love it. its the smell of pigs that i hate.

**JMoney02** · 12-29-2008, 04:28 AM

The smell of cattle is not hard to handle, it's the smell of Sh.. that sucks when you are on two wheels touring your lovely country.......

Jeff

**Heineken** · 01-05-2009, 11:20 PM

Ha Ha
ROTFLMAO

**Mr Dragon** · 11-24-2009, 01:03 PM

Thats the smell of $$$ here is Northern Colorado my friends. Good folks up thar in Montana. Got issued one of those posts when I entered. I am from Iowa originally and we have the sweet smell of hogs, I prefer dcattle. LOL. And we always wave when passing someone else.
GO HAWKS