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06-25-2012, 07:07 PM #31
- Join Date
- Nov 2009
Three guys sadly die in a car crash, the week before christmas.
Upon going to heaven, they are met at the gate by St. Peter. St Peter says to the three men, " being so close to christmas, give me one thing that has to do with the season. "
The first guy dug in his pocket and said " HA!!!!! here ya go", pulling out a lighter. St Peter asks how the lighter relates to christmas, the guy explains how its like the candles we hold in church. St Peter lets him in.
The second guy digs in his posket and pulls out a set of keys. " These will do " he said to St Peter. Again, St Peter asks how the keys relate to christmas, the guy explains how when you shake the keys, they ring like bells in the churches. St Peter lets him in as well.
The third guy digs in his pocket, finds a lighter " no thats no good " he said. Tries his other pocket and finds a set of keys, " ugh these wont do either " he said. He then reached in his shirt pocket and pulls out a womans bright red thong. " HA HA!!!!! here ya go! " he tells St Peter.
St Peter asks the guy ( with a confused look on his face ) what the red thongs have to do with christmas,.........
The man just gives a smile, and replies " their Carols ".
06-25-2012, 07:31 PM #32
A woman lie dying and her husband was at her bedside. She said in her tired voice, "Theres something I must confess" "Shhh" he said, "theres nothing to confess. Everythings just fine honey." "No I must die in piece. I had an affair with your brother, best friend and your father im so sorry." "I know" he whispered, "thats why I poisoned you now close your eyes b***h."
2011 Silverado CrewCab 5.3L*Ram Air Look Cowl Induction Reflexxion Hood*6" Pro Comp Lift*Flowmaster Dual exhaust*Perfect Launch Rear Diff. Cover*Led Smoke Taillights*L.E.D.Smoke 3rd Brakelight*60" L.E.D. Tailgate Bar*Rearview Mirror Reverse Camera and Sensors*Smoke Headlight Covers*Front Bumper Grill Insert*Deezee Black Alum. Diamond Rail covers*20" Ultra Motorsports Rims wrapped with 35.5"B.F. Goodrich Tires*Inchannel Raingaurds*CAI*Bullydog GT Tuner*Alpine Amp*Boss 6x9's*Boston Acoustic Subs*Terrantula Tweeters*Custom Sub box*Red Led Interior Accents*5% Ultimacool duo tint rear window and doors, 20% front doors*Custom Vinyl Graphics*Demolded*Debadged*Painted drums and calipers*
Future Mods Include: Custom Interior Hydrographics, Electronic Rollup Toneau Cover, 4.56 Gears, Painted rear bumper
06-25-2012, 07:40 PM #33
A blonde is driving along a wheat field when she sees another blonde rowing a boat in the middle of the wheat field. The blonde slams on the brakes, gets out and yells to the other blonde, "It is people like you that give us blondes a bad name! If I could swim, I'd kick your @$$!"
2003 Chevy Silverado 2500HD LT 4x4, Crew Cab
6.6L Duramax Diesel (LB7) with an automatic Allison 1000 5 speed.
Spray-in bed liner, S&B Air Filter, Homemade CAI ram scoop, ball hitch for Gooseneck
Black toolbox, metallic-black bowtie, 5.5" NV-200C Bumper Off-Road lights behind a blacked-out grille
285/75R16E BFG A/Ts
Future Upgrades: Exhaust, CAI, programmer, intercooler, torque converter
06-26-2012, 08:48 AM #34
- Join Date
- Nov 2010
dwayne the tub - i'm dwowning!!
06-26-2012, 10:45 AM #35
A Minnesota couple decided to go on vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel that they spent their honeymoon at 20 years earlier.
Because of their hectic work schedules, it was difficult to coordinate a joint travel time, so the husband flew to Florida on a Thursday, while his wife planned to fly down on Friday.
When the husband arrived in Florida, he took a cab straight to the hotel to check in. While there, he noticed a computer in his hotel room and decided to send an email to his wife. However, while typing in her email address, he accidentally left out a letter, and without realizing this, he sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, TX, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a Minister of many years who was called home to Glory following a sudden heart attack.
The widow decided to check her email, expecting messages from relatives and friends, but after reading the first message, she fainted.
A minute later, the widow's son enters the room to find his mother on the floor, and then looking at the screen, he read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2012
I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails.
I've just arrived and have been checked in.
I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow!
I look forward to seeing you then! I hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
PS It sure is hot down here!2004 Chevrolet Avalanche Z66 WBH, AVS smoked rain guards, AVS smoked bug shield, Bose 6-disk CD changer, Bully Fire Strip w/ Sequential turn, 6 on-high, amber DRLs, tinted euro tails, Pace Setter Performance Dual Exhaust, K&N CAI, GlowShift gauges in dual pillar pod.
06-27-2012, 02:16 PM #36
06-28-2012, 09:42 AM #37
Female HormonesThis is alarming
Beer contains female hormones! Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones!
Last month, Montreal University scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men gradually turn into women.
To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 pints of beer within a one (1) hour period.
It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects, yes, 100% of all these men:-
1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally, and
8) Had to sit down while urinating.
No further testing is considered necessary!!
Last edited by IanF; 06-28-2012 at 09:44 AM.
07-02-2012, 01:59 AM #38
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
Ends of the 4th! Darn! I go on vacation July 3rd lol I'll be wondering the whole time if I won!
07-02-2012, 10:54 AM #39
Bless you, and I'm right out of tissues!Some people call me the space cowboy ... some people don't.
2010 Chevy Silverado Z71 Just picked it up
2007 Chevy Colorado Just traded her in!
07-02-2012, 10:56 AM #40
- Join Date
- Jul 2006
- Seattle, WA
- Blog Entries
here's a good one ...
How can you prove that Colonel Sanders was a typical male?
All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.
Last edited by Steve; 07-02-2012 at 01:09 PM.Cheri
Chevy Trailblazer LS 4x4
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