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07-02-2012, 05:20 PM #61
An old lady was having problems hearing out of one of her ears so she goes to the doctor's office to have the doctor take a look. After the doctor looks in her ear he quickly realizes what the problem is. "Ma'am, I'm afraid to say that you can't hear because you have a suppository stuck in your ear." After pondering this for a moment she shows a bit of relief. "Well, at least I know what I did with my hearing aid!"
Steve - Maryland
2004 Chevy Silverado 5.3 L V-8 4x4
Access Roll-up Cover, Line-X bedliner, Billet grille & fog light covers,
Tinted windows, Firestone Destination A/T tires, under-dash lights,
USA Spec iPod interface, DU-HA under-seat storage, wish I could do more...
07-02-2012, 05:31 PM #62
One evening a new 2nd lieutenant heard two Staff Sergeants arguing in front of the command building.
"What is this all about Sergeants?" asked the lieutenant. "Well sir, we've been arguing about military rules and regulations." replied SSG Green. "Well, I happen to pride my self on knowing every Army regulation in AR 670-1." replied the Lt. "Good sir, because we are in a real deadlock." said SSG Green. "You see sir, SSG Bull says that I could get in a lot of trouble if I were to call you an idiot." Said SSG Green. "He would be correct Staff Sergeant, that is clearly insubordination and disrespecting a superior." Said the Lt. " Well sir, I told SSG Bull what if I just thought you were and idiot?" Said SSG Green. "I'm not a mind reader Staff Sergeant, how would I know what you or anyone would be thinking?" Said the Lt. "Sir, you've put this argument bed." Said SSG Bull. "You sure did sir, myself and SSG Bull will just keep thinking your an idiot and never say a word about it." said SSG Gold.
Based on a true story
Last edited by Kapelusprime; 07-02-2012 at 05:43 PM.I am a American solder, I am a member of the finest fight force on earth, I am the bump in the night. I will defend the United states of American Against all enemies both foreign and domestic. Repent now all those who would do my nation and it's people harm; For when we come it will be too late.
2011 GMC Sierra SLE, Z71 with 5.3 l and max tow/haul package
07-02-2012, 06:12 PM #63
There was a captain sailing on the sea during a battle. His servant came up to him and the captain said, "bring me my red shirt".
So, the servant did as the captain said.
After that the servant came up to the captain and said, Why did you say bring me my red shirt"?
The captain said, "Well if i get shot they won't see the blood.
The next day the servant came up to the captain and said, "There are 50 ships on the horizon."
The captain said, "Bring me my brown pants." HEY TRIED TO KEEP IT AS CLEAN AS POSSIBLEBowaddict13 ( Jason) 2005 5.3l GMC seirra 4x4 crew cab 1500, 77 chevy van 350, 87 chevy suburban 350, 94 gmc sonoma 4.3, 96 gmc sonoma hi rider 4.3, Two 95 chevy tahoes both 350s, one red one blue
07-02-2012, 06:14 PM #64
This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.
He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and George said no and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.
George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."
Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"Bowaddict13 ( Jason) 2005 5.3l GMC seirra 4x4 crew cab 1500, 77 chevy van 350, 87 chevy suburban 350, 94 gmc sonoma 4.3, 96 gmc sonoma hi rider 4.3, Two 95 chevy tahoes both 350s, one red one blue
07-02-2012, 06:46 PM #65
- Join Date
- Jan 2011
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep.
Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.”
Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.”
Holmes said: “and what do you deduce from that?”
Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life.”
And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.”
07-02-2012, 06:47 PM #66
Two guy's are walking across a bridge and see a dog licking himself ons guy say's I wish I could do that and the other guy say's yea me to but I'm afraid the dog might bite me.........2005 Chevy Silverado 1500HD 6.0 BBK headers,Cold air intake, Flowmaster cat-back, Diablo Trinity tuner, 22" KMC Rockstar Cooper ATZ, Kenwood DNX-9980HD indash, 2 Kenwood XR-W10F under back seat, Kicker 11DX10001, Kenwood KAC-7205, Polk Audio DXi6500 6.5"Component Speaker System front and back, Smoked out lights, 12K Hid's HI/Lo. Code Alarm W/remote start.
07-02-2012, 06:50 PM #67
sorry might have been to much sorry guys2005 Chevy Silverado 1500HD 6.0 BBK headers,Cold air intake, Flowmaster cat-back, Diablo Trinity tuner, 22" KMC Rockstar Cooper ATZ, Kenwood DNX-9980HD indash, 2 Kenwood XR-W10F under back seat, Kicker 11DX10001, Kenwood KAC-7205, Polk Audio DXi6500 6.5"Component Speaker System front and back, Smoked out lights, 12K Hid's HI/Lo. Code Alarm W/remote start.
07-02-2012, 07:01 PM #68
- Join Date
- Jun 2011
- Tallahassee Fl
Hope this works
There were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an old, abandoned mine shaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing. They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They searched the area for something larger and came upon a railroad tie. With great difficulty, the two men carried it to the opening and threw it in. While waiting for it to hit bottom, a goat suddenly darted between them and leapt into the hole!
The guys were still standing there with astonished looks upon their faces from the actions of the goat when a man walked up to them. He asked them if they had seen a goat anywhere in the area and they said that one had just jumped into the mine shaft in front of them! The man replied, "Oh no. That couldn't be my goat, mine was tied to a railroad tie."
2011 GMC Sierra SLE 5.3 L
Reg. cab Z71 4x4
Access Lorado Tonneau Cover
Wet Okola Seat Covers
Infinity Kappa speakers F&R
GM Bug Shield
GM Carpeted Floor Mats
07-02-2012, 07:07 PM #69
OK GUESS THEY ARNT ALL THAT DUMB.........................................A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500," figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn.
She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Air phone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress.
Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep!Bowaddict13 ( Jason) 2005 5.3l GMC seirra 4x4 crew cab 1500, 77 chevy van 350, 87 chevy suburban 350, 94 gmc sonoma 4.3, 96 gmc sonoma hi rider 4.3, Two 95 chevy tahoes both 350s, one red one blue
07-02-2012, 07:14 PM #70
- Join Date
- Oct 2011
That Meth Lab reminds of the Wife's dog. Maybe that's what wrong with him...
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