Aggrevate a Telemarketer Today?

Discussion in 'The Coffee Shop ~ Chit Chat' started by Cableguy, Apr 16, 2007.

  1. Cableguy

    Cableguy Epic Member 5+ Years ROTM Winner 1000 Posts

    Aggravate a Telemarketer Today?

    1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

    2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "

    3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

    4. (This works great if you are male) Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

    5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

    6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

    7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"

    8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

    9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

    10. If the Telemarketer is selling raffle tickets, tell him or her that you work for the same company, and that employees cannot participate.

    11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "OH MY GOD!" and then hang up.

    12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask if he/she will give you their home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" and proceed to hang up.

    13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

    14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation. For added effect, clanging of cutlery and dishes is recommended.

    15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

    16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

    17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

    18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

    19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up... louder... louder!

    20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2007
  2. terry0341

    terry0341 Rockstar Platinum Contributor 100 Posts


    That is great! :rofl:
  3. Coach24

    Coach24 Rockstar 3 Years 5000 Posts

    LMNBO . Definitely some new tactics.
    Want to help your local post man stay employed? Just go to the library and find the magazine section then proceed to pull all the cards with prepaid postage then carefully write in your favorite politicians name address and so on. When you have completed all these tasks walk to the post office and drop them in the mail box. You see postage is not charged on these cards until they actually run through the system. The good side is you load up your politician with at least one months good reading before they cancel the subscription.
  4. Jimmeh

    Jimmeh Epic Member 5+ Years 500 Posts

    Hahaha, I am totally doing this!
  5. Coach24

    Coach24 Rockstar 3 Years 5000 Posts

    You can also shake those magazines at the store and get a dozen or more each visit . Lol
    Even those free papers have them on occasion. I just love sending them in to support our great postal staff. Ok, not really , yes I love to fill the senators mail box with all manner of publications from comics to penthouse and playboy. My senators are Mormon so I am certain they will hide a few in the bottom drawer and keep it under lock and key. Only wish I could video their faces.
  6. Sierraowner5.3

    Sierraowner5.3 Epic Member 5+ Years 1000 Posts

    these are some great ideas. may have to do that.

  7. sgtsjj

    sgtsjj Rockstar 3 Years 1000 Posts

    now i just need a telemarketer to call me so i can have some fun, when first got back from iraq id answer in what little bit of arabic i knew and continue in a heavy arabic surprised i never got picked up to be investigated as a possible terrorist lol
  8. Coach24

    Coach24 Rockstar 3 Years 5000 Posts

    Careful sarge you know big brother is watching the air waves. Lol
    Wanna get rid of those door to door religion selling folks?
    Here is what I did.
    I got home from a sales trip at 4AM went straight to bed. At 8AM someone is relentlessly knocking on my door and ringing my door bell. Emergency right? Wrong it was two ladies from Jehovah witness wanting to spread the word and sell me their publication for the month. Well this hair broke my camels back. I took a deep breath and bit my tongue, then invited them in. They started in the door when I said there was one condition. They asked what that condition was. I said at my house no one wears clothes except outside, I dropped my robe and stood their naked as could be. Their faces went red and they turned with out speaking leaving my yard. That was four years ago and I haven't had a knock at my door since.
    No guarantees but it seems to have worked for me.
  9. ejohnson03

    ejohnson03 Epic Member 5+ Years 1000 Posts

    That is pretty funny...

    But we don't go out in service until after 9:30am...

    But that is still pretty funny.
  10. billnorman

    billnorman Rockstar 100 Posts

    Of course, as all intelligent Americans, we are on the Federal No Call List. When my kids were younger, like 2 or 3, and before the List, I would hand them the phone when telemarketers called. They loved to talk on the phone.

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