Divorced? When did you know it was over?

Discussion in 'The Coffee Shop ~ Chit Chat' started by Scooter, Jun 14, 2012.

  1. Coach24

    Coach24 Rockstar 3 Years 5000 Posts

    Ok after four marriages here is my short take.
    1. Be totally honest with each other and yourselves.
    2. Never stay in it for the child. This is the most egregious error of all. I stuck around for 6 years after finding my ex was cheating and lieing to me, for the children. It made matters worse as the children blame me cause I wouldn't sleep with the ex anymore.
    3. Never argue. Meaning when the screaming starts I walk out the door till cooler heads prevail. Arguing in front of a child is akin to child abuse.
    4. Be honest
    5. Sit back and look at what you may have done to push her away. As well as what the big picture shows you. You are a marine. Marines overcome and adapt. Use that training in survival to mend the marriage, if possible.
    6. Talk to your parents and hers to see where you both may be able to adjust your attitudes.
    7. Hire a PI and see what she is doing when you aren't home or with her.

    Yes some can be hard to take but the truth lies somewhere in between. Find the truths and you will have the beginning of a plan to your future.
    Be aware that it doesn't always work the way we thought it would/should.

    Best of luck with your family and your future.

    And thanks again for your service to this fine country
  2. aloxdaddy99

    aloxdaddy99 Epic Member 5+ Years 1000 Posts

    My wife and I were close to calling it done about a year ago. We fell into a rut. The same thing day in day out. Than she started working long hours for a few months straight. It was like we were roommates. It took for us to sit down and talk about where we were at and how to fix it. That communication was a great start. Than we started to have date night. For the most part it didn't cost much money. Maybe a little gas money to go to a park to go for a walk, or a ride on bicycles. Or in our case a ride on my motorcycle. I know you have a child which makes a little more difficult to do those things but you find a way.
    To add to your situation is the life changing event of getting out of the Corps. I know when I got out in 98 I had issues because of the lack of a regimented routine. It took a while for me to adjust. Good luck. Semper Fi!!
  3. mudpuppy

    mudpuppy Rockstar 100 Posts

    i knew my married life was at its end when the no good for nothing c__k s_cking gutter sl_t b_tch left me and my (at the time 8month old) son for some pos dipsh_t crack dealer that she met 4 days before hand. since then she has done real good for herself. she has another kid and is knocked up again atm for the 4th time. the last 3 she aborted. she feels she wants this 1. she is working at a whore house in Nevada living in a camper. i know all this since i still employ bounty hunters to keep tabs on her. info is the key to protecting you and your child from anything or anyone.

    now dont look to much into what i have to say here. i dont know your personal life. i dont know you. i dont know alot about whats going on with you and your wife.
    now here we go down the rabbit hole. imo if your arguing alot then that could likely be a good sign in a sense. thats saying that both of you might not be happy with certain things but there is an interest in fixing the problems. which that can only be done with in house litigation. litigation on a personal level can be in any and/or multiple forms. arguing is the most common form. lets face it, who really sits down like a couple of Brits to enjoy some tea and talk out the problems of the day. (for those that claim to, your scary) so evaluate these arguments and see if there is a way that you 2 can come to a common ground on the issue's of just that argument. do not attempt to fix, change or heal other issue's not related to that specific argument. while in these arguments make note of power points that cause flares of tempers. assess those points at a later time and determine if they even need to be addressed and if so how can you confront yourself with that issue. away from the arguments do not try to fix things with her that get to you. only work on fixing your issue's. by doing so this will create the environment for her to make changes aswel. 99% of the time your partner will only correct themselves when its there choice to do so. if you force change onto them it can cause far more problems. if they dont change then see if there is a way that you can live with or deal with that certain issue.

    now in response to the question about how people stay married over long periods of time, well it comes down to pretty much what i have just spent my own time typing to you. THEY WORK IT OUT! get it? to much these days people in general are raised to give up and move on if something does not go there way. well, the truth be told, the only thing that you will ever truly get your way is your own thoughts. everything else you have to work at.
    Last edited: Jun 15, 2012
  4. Coach24

    Coach24 Rockstar 3 Years 5000 Posts

    Well said. Hope all is well after the fact. Sometimes things work out better after the "D". My parents have been married for 59 years and I am jealous of hat. I will never celebrate a silver annivesary as I had hoped. But when you can no longer trust an individual it is time to part ways. IMHO
  5. dogred

    dogred Member

    IF you want to keep the marriage together try watching the movie fire proof. There are a few good points in that movie hit home in my marriage.
  6. the phantom

    the phantom Epic Member 5+ Years ROTM Winner 1000 Posts

    My girlfriend and I have been together happily for 5 years now. We get along great and both are very content with not getting married. I joke with my friends and family that ask when we are getting married and this is what I tell them. Our relationship is like buying a vehicle, why buy it if you can test drive it for free.:lol:We have seen many of our friends marriages fail, become ugly, and have had our own previous long term relationships go bad. So we have decided that if and when marriage is right for us, we will know when the time is right. Probably wont be for at least another 5 years. As long as she dont break down so I dont have to trade her in on a new model.:lol:(Ha, I always tell her that when she complains of aches and pains. Joking of course)
  7. giorge

    giorge Rockstar 100 Posts

    I new the marriage was over when I came home early and she was in bed with someone else.
    Money can be a serious strain on a marriage and is a big cause of divorces, been ther done that. I have been divorced twice and lost all of my toys and 3 houses, (got that figured out find someone you hate, buy them a house and leave).

    1. Don't stay married for the kids or fight in front of the kids. A divorce is better for your daugther than being around fighting.

    2. Try to talk things out and each of you make a list of things that are causing problems.

    3. She is probably feeling resntment since you are not getting a paycheck and is overwhelmed that she is supporting the family.

    4. Leave the kid with a baby sitter and get away for the weekend, try to patch things up.

    5. See a counciler, since you are military you should be able to get counciling thru the VA
  8. Coach24

    Coach24 Rockstar 3 Years 5000 Posts

    Counselor? Why? He has all our experience and there ain't nuffin bedr than an arm chair marriage counselor:rofl: Just needed to lighten this thread up a bit.
    Wishing all the best to all those married couples who are having a little strain right now. May the good Lord see fit to assist you in finding the way to keep family relations strong and prosperous.
  9. ChevyFan

    ChevyFan The Sheriff Staff Member 5+ Years 1000 Posts

    For some reason I got to thinking about this thread again. You doing ok [MENTION=25112]Scooter[/MENTION]?
  10. ChevyFan

    ChevyFan The Sheriff Staff Member 5+ Years 1000 Posts

    Thanks for keeping it real and light [MENTION=48417]Coach24[/MENTION]. We need that from time to time.

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