Here is a guide to help you decode the real truth behind those classified car ads.

Discussion in 'The Coffee Shop ~ Chit Chat' started by Davandy, Jul 5, 2007.

  1. Davandy

    Davandy Moderator 5+ Years ROTM Winner 1000 Posts

    Here is a guide to help you decode the real truth behind those classified car ads.

    "What the ad says" - "What it actually means.":party:

    * Must sell - Before it blows up.
    * Many new parts - I'm sick of dumping money into this broken down heap.
    * Appraised at $29,000 - By me.
    * Frame-off Restoration - The body actually rusted right off the frame.
    * Needs Front-End Alignment - Some serious frame-straightening wouldn't hurt either.
    * Same Owner For Last 20 Years - I'd never dream of selling it unless it was as bad as it is.
    * Must See To Appreciate - It's a scientific mystery as to how a car with bad valves, a cracked block, and no bands left in the transmission can still get to the end of the driveway and back.
    * Needs Minor Work - Needs significant work.
    * Needs Nothing - Except a tow truck.
    * All Original - Except for the tunnel ram intake, Pro Stock hoodscoop, KMart sunroof, fender flares by Bondo, Krylon paint job, hurky air shocks, mohair upholstery, Pep Boy stereo, and pawn shop wheels.
    * Ready To Restore - After 8 years of abuse on the drag strip and 20 years in a yield exposed to the elements, it is ready to be restored.
    * Easy Project Car - Completely disassembled, bring boxes!
    * Minor Rust - Don't sit down!
    * Minor Rust - Major rust you can’t see.
    * Minor Rust - I though I had it all covered with bondo, but you can still see some rust.
    * Low Mileage - Only 170,000.
    * Faster than a 'Vette - A Chevette.
    * Convertible - After driving under truck.
    * Runs Great - Too bad it doesn’t roll.
    * Third Owner - To see the light and get rid of this piece of junk.
    * Nice Stereo - To overcome exhaust noise.
    * Good Investment - Can't be worth much less.
    * California Car - And has been since it arrived from Cleveland three weeks ago.
    * Numbers-Matching - The price in my ad matches the number of dollars I'd like to get for it.
    * Original Hemi Engine - Just installed it last week.
    * Authentic - To bad the VIN doesn't match up.
    * Fast - Compared to a Geo Metro.
    * Looks Great - In dim light.
    * Always Garaged - That's because it would never run long enough for me to get it out of the garage.
    * Needs Paint - To cover rust.
    * New Paint - Beautifully covers rust.
    * Solid as a rock - Rusted solid
    * Clean - I will vacuum up the 6 month old French Fries 10 minutes before you see the car.
    * Over $20,000 Invested - And that was just to get it to run.
    * Restored, With 0 Miles - Won't start.
    * Restored, With 2 Miles - Won't stay running.
    * Older Restoration - First owner washed it.
    * One Owner - I couldn't even give it away.
    * Fully Loaded - Seller is too.
    * All Options - 8-track player.
    * 95% Complete - Can't find the other 5%.
    * 95% Complete - Everything except the engine.
    * Low Miles - Ever since the odometer was turned back.
    * Only 59,000 Miles - Actually 359,000 miles.
    * Rare Model - One of only 500,000 made.
    * Good Transportation - It's ugly as sin.
    * Must Sell - Before the law finds seller.
    * Must Sell - Need bail money.
    * Must Sell - My wife just bought new furniture; again.
    * Sure to Appreciate - Yeah, that's why I'm selling it.
    * Summer Fun - Roof leaks in winter.
    * Summer Fun - Won't make it to fall.
    * Reliable - Don't leave the neighborhood.
    * Clean - Homeless dude at 5th and Main did the windows.
    * Runs fine - I was going to say "runs excellent" but I had a last minute attack of conscience.
    * Daily Driver - 400 miles a day.
    * Only Driven Sundays - Sunday is race day.
    * Engine Rebuilt - Engine degreased to look it.
    * Doesn’t Smoke - No oil to burn, or 90wt oil.
    * Trans. Rebuilt - Fine sawdust used to make it quiet.
    * 4 Speed Gearbox - 5th gear is dead.
    * Engine Blueprinted - I don't know what that means either.
    * Hurry, Won't Last - Neither will the car.
    * Needs some body work - Was side-swiped by a Winnebago.
    * New Tires - Retreads years ago.
    * Or Best Offer - I'm guessing at the price here.
    * Well Maintained - I occasionally changed the oil.
    * Well Maintained - Oil changed every other leap year.
    * Drives Like a Dream - A nightmare.
    * No Time To Restore It - Can't find the parts.
    * Never Smoked In - Unfortunately, that's the best thing I can say about it.
    * Needs Minor Repair - Doesn't run.
    * Needs Minor Overhaul - Needs engine.
    * Needs Major Overhaul - Phone the junkyard.
    * Car Cover - To help keep out rats.
    * Always Garaged - Embarrassed to leave it outside.
    * Looks like new - Just don't try to drive it anywhere.
    * Rough Condition - Too bad to lie about.
    * Family Owned - Driven by 6 teenagers.
    * Restoration Started - The rest of the car has been in boxes since 1992.
    * Fully Restored - Nothing original.
    * All Original - I never had anything fixed, adjusted, or replaced.
    * Desireable Classic - No one wants it.
    * Rare Classic - No one wanted it, even when it was new.
    * Stored 20 Years - In a farmer's field.
    * Ran When Stored - But doesn't start now.
    * Never Apart - Bolts too rounded to loosen.
    * Smog Exempt - DMV doesn't think so.
    * Tags Till Next Year - Stolen year sticker.
    * Excellent Gas Mileage - It's slow.
    * Project Car - I can't figure out how to finish it, and I doubt you will either.
    * Moving, Must Sell - Off to jail, need bail money.
    * No Disappointments - Once you hand me the cash, I promise I won't be disappointed.
    * Loaded with Options - None of them work.
    * Loaded with Options - Each one more troublesome than the last.
    * Burns No Oil - It all leaks out.
    * Rebuilt Engine - Cleaned the spark plugs.
    * Drive It Away - I live on a hill.
    * Drive It Anywhere - Within 10 miles.
    * Rare Option - Because the factory never offered it.
    * Motivated Seller - Motivated to get the hell out of town.
    * Lots of Potential - To drive you insane.
    * Engine Quite - Uses 90-weight oil.
    * Parts Car - Beyond repair.
    * Immaculate - Recently washed.
    * Concours Condition - Recently waxed.
    * 95 Point Car - You think that is impressive, you should see the points on my driving record.
    * Show Winner - Once got third place in the 1983 Eastern Iowa Star Trek Convention - but that was before the rust got really bad.
    * Other Interests Conflict - Spouse's ultimatum: "Either that #!!@&## thing goes or I do!"
  2. ChevyFan

    ChevyFan The Sheriff Staff Member 5+ Years 1000 Posts

    I've been in TWO cars that died when I (or a buddy) was test driving. hehehe, those were close ones.
  3. Bruce_B

    Bruce_B Rockstar


    Reminds me of those Carfax commercials. You probably don't get those in Belgium, one of them shows a guy typing "New Upholstery" and you see video of the car sitting in a flood almost up to the roof. :rofl:
  4. Cableguy

    Cableguy Epic Member 5+ Years ROTM Winner 1000 Posts

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