Here is a guide to help you decode the real truth behind those classified car ads. "What the ad says" - "What it actually means."arty: * Must sell - Before it blows up. * Many new parts - I'm sick of dumping money into this broken down heap. * Appraised at $29,000 - By me. * Frame-off Restoration - The body actually rusted right off the frame. * Needs Front-End Alignment - Some serious frame-straightening wouldn't hurt either. * Same Owner For Last 20 Years - I'd never dream of selling it unless it was as bad as it is. * Must See To Appreciate - It's a scientific mystery as to how a car with bad valves, a cracked block, and no bands left in the transmission can still get to the end of the driveway and back. * Needs Minor Work - Needs significant work. * Needs Nothing - Except a tow truck. * All Original - Except for the tunnel ram intake, Pro Stock hoodscoop, KMart sunroof, fender flares by Bondo, Krylon paint job, hurky air shocks, mohair upholstery, Pep Boy stereo, and pawn shop wheels. * Ready To Restore - After 8 years of abuse on the drag strip and 20 years in a yield exposed to the elements, it is ready to be restored. * Easy Project Car - Completely disassembled, bring boxes! * Minor Rust - Don't sit down! * Minor Rust - Major rust you can’t see. * Minor Rust - I though I had it all covered with bondo, but you can still see some rust. * Low Mileage - Only 170,000. * Faster than a 'Vette - A Chevette. * Convertible - After driving under truck. * Runs Great - Too bad it doesn’t roll. * Third Owner - To see the light and get rid of this piece of junk. * Nice Stereo - To overcome exhaust noise. * Good Investment - Can't be worth much less. * California Car - And has been since it arrived from Cleveland three weeks ago. * Numbers-Matching - The price in my ad matches the number of dollars I'd like to get for it. * Original Hemi Engine - Just installed it last week. * Authentic - To bad the VIN doesn't match up. * Fast - Compared to a Geo Metro. * Looks Great - In dim light. * Always Garaged - That's because it would never run long enough for me to get it out of the garage. * Needs Paint - To cover rust. * New Paint - Beautifully covers rust. * Solid as a rock - Rusted solid * Clean - I will vacuum up the 6 month old French Fries 10 minutes before you see the car. * Over $20,000 Invested - And that was just to get it to run. * Restored, With 0 Miles - Won't start. * Restored, With 2 Miles - Won't stay running. * Older Restoration - First owner washed it. * One Owner - I couldn't even give it away. * Fully Loaded - Seller is too. * All Options - 8-track player. * 95% Complete - Can't find the other 5%. * 95% Complete - Everything except the engine. * Low Miles - Ever since the odometer was turned back. * Only 59,000 Miles - Actually 359,000 miles. * Rare Model - One of only 500,000 made. * Good Transportation - It's ugly as sin. * Must Sell - Before the law finds seller. * Must Sell - Need bail money. * Must Sell - My wife just bought new furniture; again. * Sure to Appreciate - Yeah, that's why I'm selling it. * Summer Fun - Roof leaks in winter. * Summer Fun - Won't make it to fall. * Reliable - Don't leave the neighborhood. * Clean - Homeless dude at 5th and Main did the windows. * Runs fine - I was going to say "runs excellent" but I had a last minute attack of conscience. * Daily Driver - 400 miles a day. * Only Driven Sundays - Sunday is race day. * Engine Rebuilt - Engine degreased to look it. * Doesn’t Smoke - No oil to burn, or 90wt oil. * Trans. Rebuilt - Fine sawdust used to make it quiet. * 4 Speed Gearbox - 5th gear is dead. * Engine Blueprinted - I don't know what that means either. * Hurry, Won't Last - Neither will the car. * Needs some body work - Was side-swiped by a Winnebago. * New Tires - Retreads years ago. * Or Best Offer - I'm guessing at the price here. * Well Maintained - I occasionally changed the oil. * Well Maintained - Oil changed every other leap year. * Drives Like a Dream - A nightmare. * No Time To Restore It - Can't find the parts. * Never Smoked In - Unfortunately, that's the best thing I can say about it. * Needs Minor Repair - Doesn't run. * Needs Minor Overhaul - Needs engine. * Needs Major Overhaul - Phone the junkyard. * Car Cover - To help keep out rats. * Always Garaged - Embarrassed to leave it outside. * Looks like new - Just don't try to drive it anywhere. * Rough Condition - Too bad to lie about. * Family Owned - Driven by 6 teenagers. * Restoration Started - The rest of the car has been in boxes since 1992. * Fully Restored - Nothing original. * All Original - I never had anything fixed, adjusted, or replaced. * Desireable Classic - No one wants it. * Rare Classic - No one wanted it, even when it was new. * Stored 20 Years - In a farmer's field. * Ran When Stored - But doesn't start now. * Never Apart - Bolts too rounded to loosen. * Smog Exempt - DMV doesn't think so. * Tags Till Next Year - Stolen year sticker. * Excellent Gas Mileage - It's slow. * Project Car - I can't figure out how to finish it, and I doubt you will either. * Moving, Must Sell - Off to jail, need bail money. * No Disappointments - Once you hand me the cash, I promise I won't be disappointed. * Loaded with Options - None of them work. * Loaded with Options - Each one more troublesome than the last. * Burns No Oil - It all leaks out. * Rebuilt Engine - Cleaned the spark plugs. * Drive It Away - I live on a hill. * Drive It Anywhere - Within 10 miles. * Rare Option - Because the factory never offered it. * Motivated Seller - Motivated to get the hell out of town. * Lots of Potential - To drive you insane. * Engine Quite - Uses 90-weight oil. * Parts Car - Beyond repair. * Immaculate - Recently washed. * Concours Condition - Recently waxed. * 95 Point Car - You think that is impressive, you should see the points on my driving record. * Show Winner - Once got third place in the 1983 Eastern Iowa Star Trek Convention - but that was before the rust got really bad. * Other Interests Conflict - Spouse's ultimatum: "Either that #!!@&## thing goes or I do!"