HoW To KeEp A hEaLtHy LeVeL Of SaNiTy AnD dRiVe OtHeR PeOpLe iNsAnE... At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.) Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: 'If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom.' Put mosquito netting around your work area. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'IN'. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers. Send e-mail messages that advertise free pizza, doughnuts, etc., in the break are. When people complain that there was nothing there, lean back, rub your stomach, and say, "You've got to be faster than that." Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors'. Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think." Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy." Don't use any punctuation As often as possible, skip rather than walk. Ask people what sex they are. Specify that your drive-through order is 'to go'. Go to the opera and sing along. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.