Montana Tourist Information Guidelines
Due to frequent misunderstandings when Easterners and Californians cross into our state, the Montana Tourism Council adopted a set of guidelines in an effort to help outsiders understand Montana.
The following list will be handed to each driver entering the state:
1. That rancher standing next to the barn did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
2. It's called a gravel road. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a 4-wheel drive because I need it. Now drive or get the hell out of the way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
4. Any references to "corn-fed" when talking about our women will get your ass kicked---by our women.
5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Roves Fly Rod. Just don't cry to us if a massive trout breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little guppies you fish for---bait.
6. Pull your pants up--you look like an idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a herd of elk is approaching during hunting season, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. That's right. Whiskey is only 5 bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.
9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.
11. So you have a $60,000 car you drive on weekends. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines we use two weeks a year.
12. Yeah, we eat Elk. Deer too. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
13. They are cattle. That's what they smell like. Get over it
14. Yes, every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?
Now enjoy your visit and go home!
Due to frequent misunderstandings when Easterners and Californians cross into our state, the Montana Tourism Council adopted a set of guidelines in an effort to help outsiders understand Montana.
The following list will be handed to each driver entering the state:
1. That rancher standing next to the barn did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
2. It's called a gravel road. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a 4-wheel drive because I need it. Now drive or get the hell out of the way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
4. Any references to "corn-fed" when talking about our women will get your ass kicked---by our women.
5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Roves Fly Rod. Just don't cry to us if a massive trout breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little guppies you fish for---bait.
6. Pull your pants up--you look like an idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a herd of elk is approaching during hunting season, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. That's right. Whiskey is only 5 bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.
9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.
11. So you have a $60,000 car you drive on weekends. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines we use two weeks a year.
12. Yeah, we eat Elk. Deer too. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
13. They are cattle. That's what they smell like. Get over it
14. Yes, every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?
Now enjoy your visit and go home!
