[Cableguy]

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing
in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil...
Satan: "Why so sad?"

Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell, that's why I'm so sad!"

Satan: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down
here.You a drinking man?"

Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."

Satan: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays that's
we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness and wine coolers .
We drink 'til we throw up, and then we drink some more! And you
don't have to worry about getting a hangover, because you're dead
anyway."

Guy: "Gee that sounds great!"

Satan: "You a smoker?"

Guy: "You better believe it!"

Satan: "All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest
cigars from all over the world, and smoke our lungs out. If you
getcancer - no biggie, you're already dead, remember?"

Guy: "Wow...that's awesome!"

Satan: "I bet you like to gamble."

Guy: "Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do."

Satan: "Good, 'cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want.
Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt,
it doesn't matter, you're dead anyhow."

Guy: "Cool!"

Satan: "What about Drugs?"

Guy: "Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...?"

Satan: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a
great big bowl of crack or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a
submarine.
You can do all the drugs you want. You're dead so who cares."

Guy: "Wow! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!"

Satan: "You gay?"

Guy: "No..."

Satan: "Ooooh, Fridays are gonna be tough..."